Xtro

I had a line I wanted to use about this film before I even saw it. “This movie was Xtro crappy!” Fortunately, it wasn’t. Xtro was actually pretty damned entertaining despite the fact that it was a total mindfuck. It’s so damned surreal that I pretty much kept my “WTF” face on perpetually. I thought my head was going to have a Scanners moment.

Sam Phillips (a very good Phillip Sayer who looks like Hugh Jackman and sounds like Clive Owen) is a loving and devoted husband and father. That is… until he gets abducted by aliens in front of his son Tony. His wife Rachel (Bernice Stegers aka the female Oliver Reed) moves on with another man, but Tony has trouble letting go of his dad. Everyone tries to tell him that his father ran out on him and his mother, and no one will believe him when he tells them what really happens.

Three years later, Sam comes back. Apparently he’s changed a bit during his travels.




He’s still a nice guy, but that doesn’t keep him from killing a Eurotrash stud with permed mullet and his lady friend. Seriously… I’d kill a guy with a Euro-perm mullet too just on principle alone. He also can’t be running around like a terd with legs, so he decides to impregnate a nearby young lady with his penis proboscis. He’s reborn as a full-grown human version of himself in what has to be the freakiest birth scene of all time.







Being such a family man, Sam tries to reconcile with his wife and child. Since Tony knows what really happened, Sam decides to make him part of his new alien family in what could be considered an insanely incestual and pedophilic manner.





This leads to trouble, however, as aliens can pretty much change reality just by thinking about it, and Tony is apparently a young psychopath killing any and everyone that slightly inconveniences him. He does so by creating murderous live versions of his toys. Believe me… my distrust of midgets has been heightened even more by this film.





Anyways… you’ll have to see how it ends yourself. I highly recommend Xtro to B-movie enthusiasts. It’s cheesy, well-acted, and just so fucking absurd. Xtro is the lovechild of Lynch and Cronenberg that you’ve always wanted to see. It’s the strangest family film I’ve seen in some time (I still think Takashi Miike’s Visitor Q still holds the trophy on that one). You won’t be disappointed.