Happy Birthday To Me

It seems I’ve fallen off the wagon, haven’t I? It’s been over a month since my last horror film review. I’m definitely slacking in my commitment to horror. The news of my impending fatherhood has thrown me for an excited loop. The pregnancy has been the thing most on my mind. Still… I was able to squeeze in a few horror films just waiting to be reviewed.

Happy Birthday To Me was one of those flicks. I’ve always liked those holiday-themed slashers of the late 70’s and early 80’s (though calling a birthday a holiday is pushing it a bit), so I gave HBTM a go. It’s pretty rare that I find a slasher classic that I have never seen. I think there was a reason for this. Happy Birthday To Me has the single most horribly convoluted ending I’ve ever seen. I’m pretty sure the studio-mandated twist ending was written by an alcoholic chimpanzee… or possibly M. Night Shyamalan.

Anyways, the plot concerns Virginia “Ginny” Wainwright and her clique of friends, the Top Ten. The Top Ten are the top ten richest and most popular students at their already-snobbish private school. Money has to be the only reason these kids are popular because for the most part they’re insufferable assholes. After an ill-advised game of chicken on a rising drawbridge, Ginny starts freaking out. It seems that Ginny and her mother had an accident on that very drawbridge a few years before on Ginny’s birthday. That accident took Ginny’s mother’s life and put Ginny in a coma. Sucks to be her. Actually, it sucks to be a member of the Top Ten because they start dying. One by one they bite the big one. Who’s responsible? It doesn’t matter because the film’s twist ending completely goes against everything presented in the entirety of the film. A murderous pony might as well have been the killer as it would have probably made more sense (and a lot more fun too).

The film isn’t entirely without merit though. The actors do well with what they are given. Melissa Sue Anderson of Little House on the Prairie plays Ginny, and it’s a hoot to see the sweetheart of 70’s television play a foul-mouthed somewhat slutty teen. It’s also strange to see acting legend Glenn Ford in the film playing Virginia’s doctor. Happy Birthday To Me doesn’t skimp out on the gore either. There are a few neat kills in the flick, but hardly the “bizarre” murders advertised on the poster… unless stabbings are something entirely new to film audiences. You have to give props to the shish-ka-bob through the mouth and out the back of the head though. It’s pretty sweet.

If you can get over the mind-blowing stupidity of the ending, Happy Birthday To Me is a decent flick. It’s a decent way to kill time and a few brain cells.

P.S. This has to be one of the coolest film screen grabs in the history of film.