The Curse of El Charro

Beware the Curse of El Charro! This curse is worse than a case of the squirts. Hell… I figured that the film would have been much better if Spanish superstar Charo was the star of the film. Just imagine her happily saying, “Cuchi cuchi!” after every gory kill.



Our whiny heroine Maria heroine has been troubled with horrible dreams and visions regarding her sister’s suicide. That’s why her roommate Christina thinks it’s a great idea to bring her along for a road trip to Arizona. Christina’s friends Tanya and Rosemary aren’t quite happy about having Maria tag along.

Now here’s I go off on a short tangent. The names of these characters are irrelevant because they aren’t portrayed as anything more than shitty stereotypes.

From now on they will be known as:

Maria – Headcase
Christina – Girl Next Door
Tanya – Ghetto Slut
Rosemary – Goth Slut

Now back to the review.

The girls are thrilled to be leaving boring ol’ Los Angeles and going on a road trip to the boondocks of Arizona. Just thinking of all the desert sand gets them all hot and bothered. Along the way they are pulled over for speeding, but thankfully Ghetto Slut gives head… errr… uses her head to get them out of trouble. The very grateful cop leads them to the nearest gas station to fill up. That gas station just happens to be a bar in which the strangest musical performance in history is given by a crippled Marilyn Manson-clone. Obviously the redneck bar patrons love it. All rednecks love shitty goth-industrial metal. The shit hits the fan once they reach their destination though. Headcase finds that one of her ancestors rejected the marriage proposal of a cruel land baron named El Charro, and El Charro has cursed her bloodline (and slaughtered the original ancestor’s family)… blah blah blah blah blah. El Charro comes and kills her friends and the men they’ve picked up at a bar. It’s all incredibly boring and was making the idea of suicide be somewhat palatable. Being too busy with her non-stop crying, Headcase doesn’t even defend herself from El Crappo at all. She’s saved by a shitty-looking angel with dirty clothes, a poorly painted-on tattoo, and the fakest-looking angel wings in film history.

The Curse of El Charro sucks. I’ll state that right away. The writing is full of clichés, horrible dialogue, and trite characters. The direction is weak. The actors would be shamed by children in a third grade Christmas play. The kills are uninteresting and barely even shown. It’s not altogether horrible though. The visions that Headcase has are pretty interesting. They’re done almost with a silent film style cinematography, and one of them even has Motorhead front man Lemmy as a priest cautioning young Headcase about the horrors that await her. Plus that aforementioned musical number was pretty fucking trippy in a good way (the song’s horrible but so strange). That doesn’t save the film though. Watch this only if you’re feeling masochistic.