Teeth

Y’know… I was going to use a lot of stupid puns when describing this flick, so I’ll just get them out of the way now.

“biting commentary”
“horror with a bite”
“a movie you can to sink your teeth into”

Damn, I’m glad that’s over.

Teeth is probably the worst movie an oversexed male could ever watch. That comes from the fact that the main character finds out that she has a condition called “Vagina Dentata.” It’s exactly what you think it is. It makes for a very unique film. Say what you will, but it’s hard to come up with an original idea these days, but that’s exactly what writer/director Mitchell Lichtenstein has done. He’s made the first feminist horror/comedy/drama that involves a penis-severing vagina. I congratulate him for such an accomplishment.



Dawn is a pro-abstinence Christian girl. She believes that a girl needs to keep her gift wrapped until she receives that gold ring. Dawn is so repressed that she won’t even allow herself to see PG-13 movies. Dawn keeps to her beliefs even in the face of the constant mocking of her schoolmates. That’s until her fellow pro-abstinence possibly bf attempts to rape her. She founds out something new about herself. Something lethal.

The movie is good stuff. Hell… it’s critically acclaimed and all that jazz. That’s largely in part due to the fantastic Jess Weixler. She deservedly won the Sundance Special Jury Prize for Dramatic Performance for her portrayal of a teenage girl that must deal with the deadly mutation inside her. It helps that the script and direction is smarter than most of the film’s competition. It’s funny and intelligent. I laughed my ass off over the “celibate Christian” group meetings and the plain male stupidity on screen. That’s not to say that everything hits the mark in the film. The film drags in bits, but the absurdity of the film keeps you interested. I also have to mention that the greatest performance of a creepy old pervert in film history can be found in the last minutes of the movie. It’s quite horrific. It’s creepier than the several instance of graphic penis mutilation I’ll never forget that old man scarily darting his tongue out.



Teeth is a great flick that unfortunately only made the film festival route with a very limited release. Thankfully, it’s out on DVD now. If you are looking for something along the lines of a feminist American Psycho… pick it up. You won’t be disappointed.

P.S. I find myself trying to make a “Vagina Dentata” song to the tune of Hakuna Matata from the Lion King. Help me.